Backwards Kingdom: Introduction

Looking back at the last three years of my life, ever since I started my blog back in May of 2022, I honestly was shocked to see that I have been able to stay consistent with publishing a post once every two weeks. In some seasons of my life, I have been on fire and inspired to write about the things that God has been teaching me in life, but in others, I struggle to motivate myself to write something that isn’t for a grade or doesn’t have a strict deadline. Recently, I have definitely found myself relating more to the latter, and not having clear guidance for what direction I want to be taking the blog next.

As I am writing this, I am preparing to leave for camp tomorrow for the very first day of staff training. Due to the all-consuming nature of camp, I started a habit last summer of writing multiple posts before I leave for camp, allowing me to fully rest when I am home for the weekends to do the best I can when I am with my campers the next week. As a counselor that is with kids constantly from Sundays to Fridays week after week, Saturdays are the only day where my body can truly rest and recharge before I go right back at it the next day. Going into this year, I am all too aware of how difficult camp can be on your body, so I made it my goal at the beginning of the month to be intentional about taking care of my spiritual, physical, and mental health so that my cup is full going into staff training. I had high hopes of running every single day, spending intimate time with the Father in His word and in prayer, and getting a solid eight hours of sleep every night. Sounds like a great plan, right?

For the first week or two, I did very well with these goals, and was loving the healthy habits that I was developing to prepare myself for the summer. However, all of a sudden, I dropped off with these goals, prioritizing sleeping in and watching my favorite TV shows over my relationship with the Father. I was aware that I had let these goals of mine fall to the wayside, but was too complacent to actually stop myself from letting this unhealthy streak continue. I felt guilty for what I was doing, but didn’t let it bring me to repentance.

So, one night, I came to God with my struggles and downfalls, telling Him how I was disappointed for not reaching the standards that I had set for myself. I knew that if I really stuck with these goals, then I would come into staff training ready to open my heart to God’s calling and to pour into my fellow staff members. Instead, though, I put my fleshly desires first, and did what immediately gratified my flesh instead of what I know had greater long-lasting outcomes. As I was sharing this with the Father, I realized that the one word that best sums up the last few weeks of my life was one that I feared: “lukewarm”. We see in Revelation 3 how the church of Laodicea, which is the best representation of the seven churches in this passage to describe our generation’s church, was lukewarm. While they professed to know Jesus, their actions did not line up with what they were saying. They were not on fire for Him, neither were they cold and distant. Instead, they were an in-between that God found repulsing: “I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.” (Revelation 3:15-16). At this point in time, I felt like I was mirroring the world in too many ways by putting my own desires first, instead of laying down my life for the growth of the Lord’s kingdom. It hurt for me to admit that I had put my own wants above the One who created me, knows me, and loves me more than I can even imagine.

Praying in the dead of night, I realized what I was missing. I thought of the image Jesus uses in the Sermon on the Mount, where a candle is used to describe a believer. “Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16). In this picture that we are given, we see how something so bright and life-giving can bear no fruit, if it allows itself to be hidden away. We as believers are not called to blend in with the darkness, even if it seems easier. No, instead, we are called to be the light shining in the darkness of the world, breaking the still void with a light so joyful and radiant that it turns heads and forces people to ask questions. We are called to be set apart, different, so backwards that people can’t ignore it. This was Jesus’ mission to reach those that don’t yet know his beautiful, sacrificial love.

Take a minute, and pause. Reflect on your own journey with Christ, and look back at where you were before He saved you. I know that in my own life, I was lost, confused, and unguided. I didn’t know who I was, and my identity was placed in receiving validation from the world. I was in darkness. However, I had people in my life that were shining as lights, and the Lord worked through them to call me out of that darkness.

“But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light” (1 Peter 2:9). 

I remember the joy that I felt on the night where I truly met God. I had grown up in church my whole life, and knew so much about Him, but the relationship was never personal. It wasn’t until I understood that our God is living, active, close, and real, did I experience true joy straight from the Holy Spirit. It was deep, it was wild, it was truly unexplainable, but one word that comes close to describing it is light. I couldn’t stop smiling for weeks; I actually remember my cheeks being in pain because I couldn’t wipe the look of true joy off of my face. Friends noticed, and people told me that they noticed that something had changed. This was one thing that gave me confidence in my relationship with God, seeing that people noticed. I was becoming set apart, and turning heads to the point where people asked questions.

So, as I begin another summer of serving and giving my life away to campers I haven’t yet met, I want to dive into what it means to be a part of God’s backwards kingdom. There are so many things in the world that are alluring and draw me to them, but they never bring true satisfaction. This series will be focused on my own experiences, and ways that I’ve noticed I can start to look like the world, but I hope that it will also serve as an encouragement to you, to know that you are not the only one struggling with these things. We serve a good God that will never leave you or forsake you, and He will always provide you with things and people that will help guide you back towards Him when you stray.