If you’re a consistent Authentic Faith reader, you know that I spent this summer serving as a counselor for a Christian camp. The last two months of my life have been the most intense roller coaster, and I have had so many ups and downs while learning how to love selflessly every minute of every day. For those of you that are not familiar with the camp lifestyle, I spent my whole summer living in a cabin with fifteen girls, along with two co-counselors and two support staff members. A week of camp ran from Sunday-Friday, and in those six days, we would play countless games, eat good food, and learn about who Jesus is through the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). It is such a unique experience, because I was asked to be a parent to fifteen, which is something that I have never experienced before. Some parts were difficult, because I had to constantly deny my own desires to be able to take care of my campers and invest in them to show them that they are loved. However, other parts were absolutely amazing, because I got to learn these girls’ stories and show them that they are worthy and loved in the eyes of the person that meticulously created them.
While reflecting on the summer, I was shocked to realize just how much the campers that I have had taught me so much about God, myself and others. So, I figured the best way to begin a busy season of my life is to do a series that is less focused on intense research and more focused on reflecting what the Lord taught me. I think that it will give me a good opportunity to remember all that happened at camp, so that my time as a counselor is able to help grow my spiritual life as I move on in my life. So, I will be changing the names of any campers that I had, as to protect their identity in case they don’t want their name out, but remember these are real stories. I am sharing these special moments I had so that you can be encouraged. As 1 Timothy 4:12 says, “Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” We have so much to learn from the people around us, and just because someone is younger or “less experienced” than you doesn’t mean that you can’t learn from them. So, enjoy hearing some of the most memorable stories I have from camp this summer, and I ask that you would pray over each of these people as you read, because I know that the Lord is doing amazing things in their lives.
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The first story that I want to talk about is the one that was the most humbling and shocking experience that I had this summer. One week, I had a girl that wanted nothing more than to go home. Even though she was having fun in the activities, she told me that she desperately just wanted to go back home. At camp, we never want to rush a kid to go home, because oftentimes their nerves go away and they have the week of their life, but we also don’t want to hold a kid hostage.
So, after a few days, we were able to call her dad and ask him if he could come pick her up. Even though I never want a kid to go home early and miss what God has in store for them, I also know that I don’t want her to be miserable for the rest of the week if she was that homesick. And, if I’m being honest, part of it was a selfish motive. Some campers take more energy than others, and it was difficult to make her feel the constant love she needed without making the other girls in my cabin feel like they were being looked over. (And yes, complaining actually drives me crazy). So, when she found out her dad was making her stay the whole week, she completely broke down. I remember that night, because I skipped our cabin’s post-chapel talk to sit with her. She desperately wanted to leave, and constantly was asking me to get her to go.
No matter what I told her, she refused to accept it. I told her Bible stories of characters that related to her, encouraged her with all the fun things that we were going to do that week, and even prayed with her and asked God to give her peace. Despite all of that, she remained stubborn and still wanted to go home. I remember one thing she said so vividly, and I remember how much it hurt. She looked me in the eyes and said “If you loved me, you would find a way to get me to go home.” This absolutely broke me. I knew that if her dad didn’t want to come pick her up, I had absolutely no right to override that. However, she quickly began to blame it all on the camp staff and on God. The anger that she displayed toward God was shocking, but mostly because it reminded me of myself. I remember times where I was mad at God for the situations that he had put me in, and I recall times where I doubted God’s goodness because of what was happening in my life.
After a while, I told her that we should probably head inside, as we didn’t want to miss all of our cabin’s nightly discussion. Reluctantly, she agreed, and we went back to the cabin, where she joined the discussion circle. However, I headed straight for the small bathroom attached to our cabin, where I hid in the corner with the fan on while I cried. In that moment, I remember how defeated I felt. It didn’t matter what I said or did, this camper didn’t change her heart attitude. She had said some sad, and honestly really hurtful, things. In my eyes, I had failed her as a counselor. I was put in that position of leadership in order to encourage the girls, and I had believed that it was my job to get every girl that came through my cabin doors excited about camp and the good news of Jesus Christ. I remember sitting on the floor of the small bathroom, with the door closed so that no girl would come and find me crying, silently crying out to God. I finally looked up and said, “Fine, God. You win. Nothing I do can change this girl’s heart, and I’ve run out of options. Please change her heart, because I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m not enough for her, and I can’t change her heart no matter what I do or say.” I remember surrendering to God in this moment, because I felt like I had no other choice. I had exhausted all my options, and I finally realized that I wasn’t enough.
After taking a little bit of time to put myself back together, I joined the circle, and had some good conversation with my cabin. I still remember how defeated I felt that night, and how much I was dreading the rest of the week. I had already shared my struggles with my co-counselors, and even though they helped give this girl love and attention, I didn’t know how I was going to be able to balance it with the needs and wants of fourteen other girls.
The next morning, I was sitting on my bed, making sure that all of the campers were getting ready for the day, when something happened that rocked my world. The camper came up to my bed, looked at me with the biggest smile, and said, “I’m ready for the week, and I’m not mad at God anymore.” For her, this was a total 180 in character, because she went to bed the night before angry and sulking. When I asked her what had changed, and she told me that she had no idea, I realized that the Holy Spirit had just done something amazing in her heart. I had spent the whole week trying to change her heart on my own, but it wasn’t until I surrendered the situation to Jesus and gave Him control that she felt ready for the week and excited to be a part of everything that we were doing.
To me, that moment was like a slap in the face. It was so humbling to see how quickly the Holy Spirit was able to change this girl’s heart, and my own pride was what prevented this heart change from happening sooner.
For the rest of the week, this camper didn’t even mention wanting to go home or not liking it there. When I saw how sad she was to leave when Friday arrived, I felt so blessed to have seen this girl’s story throughout the last six days. Even if she didn’t experience some “mega-important Jesus moment”, the fact that she wanted to come back meant that this year was a seed planted for her to be able to become more and more invested as she comes back every year.
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This was so humbling, yet also so amazing, because it proved to me the power of the Holy Spirit. It was truly amazing to see the power that the Spirit has, especially when we choose to give up our own pride and surrender. I think that the truly amazing part, though, is when you realize that this unstoppable, powerful spirit is living inside of us. If you have accepted Jesus as your own Savior, and have asked Him to save you from your sins, then the same power that changed this girl’s seemingly unchangeable heart is in you. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7).
The next time the Lord asks you to do something that seems scary, bold, or unrealistic, remember the power that lives inside of you. God will not ask you to do something without providing you with what you need to do it. If I’m being honest, my regret in this story is not surrendering sooner, because I realize how much she missed out on that week because I was proudly trying to change her heart on my own. However, this story gives me an opportunity to praise God and His Spirit for the amazing things that happened this summer, and I am so thankful that this girl had a willing heart that was ready to accept the heart change from the Holy Spirit.
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