If you go back into the Gospels, and you read over the stories of Jesus’ interactions with people, it will be evident that He was gentle and loving in his approaches. The first example that comes to mind is in Matthew 19:13-15: “Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.’ And he laid his hands on them and went away.” Here, Jesus saw the worth in these children, and kindly and gently let them come to Him.
This is beautiful, because a lot of the time, gentleness is a way that people show love. Instead of showing anger and a desire for revenge during a frustrating moment, showing somebody gentleness if they made a mistake or are confused gives people space to breathe.
However, I feel like this is where gentleness stops in the minds of most people, which is what makes it a very misinterpreted fruit of the Spirit.
Meekness, not weakness
As I mentioned before, Jesus was known for being very gentle and loving when he was with other people, especially to those who seemed helpless and of little worth to the rest of the world. He showed how he genuinely cared for these people, and took time to present His love for us in gentleness and humility. “‘Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’” (Matthew 11:28-30). Imagine what it must have been like to hear these words from Jesus when He spoke them. I imagine how smooth and kind his voice must have been, and I can picture the kind look in his eyes as I am told that I don’t have to carry everything by myself. Jesus was excellent at being gentle to those who had spent their whole lives being put down by the critical words of the Pharisees, who put their self-righteousness on a pedestal while bringing others down in the process.
It is such a relief for me to think about these things, but often, people see gentleness and meekness as a symbol of weakness, and of a lack of strength. It is so important to understand that meekness does not equal weakness. In fact, gentleness takes a hefty amount of strength. There is a difference between never speaking up and being gentle.
Some people will go through life never saying much of anything, often because they are afraid of causing any type of disagreement or stirring things up. This silence originates from weakness, and they are holding back from speaking because of what they fear could happen. On the other side of the spectrum of silence is gentleness. Gentle people speak softly and with love to those who feel weak and unsure, and don’t make a scene of telling people they’re wrong, or that they messed up. Jesus’ gentleness didn’t focus on what people did wrong, but instead focused on showing them a new way, and a better way. This gentleness takes strength, because it is the ability to hold back from the want to be right in order to show love. Gentle people aren’t quiet out of a lack of strength, but because they are strong. It is not qualified by the inability to do anything, but actually by the ability to express anger and power, and choosing instead to hold back. We must choose to be gentle, to pacify ourselves, in our daily lives.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.” (James 1:19-21).
A lot of the time, anger is our first reaction, and feels like the easiest way to respond to a difficult situation or a person that is getting on your nerves. This has happened to me a lot recently; somebody gets on my nerves and I react badly. Whether they had a rough day and made a mistake, or just weren’t doing what I wanted, I snap back and get angry. After this, I realize that I wasn’t acting with gentleness, especially in a moment where they probably needed it the most. When people are feeling weak and vulnerable, gentleness is an amazing way to show them love, but anger will only make their situation worse for them. In addition, this won’t be good for your everyday testimony.
Gentleness is something that takes time to learn, and it takes a lot of practice to respond with gentleness instead of anger. Be gentle with others, as God is gentle towards us. Just don’t forget that gentleness is not a lack of strength. Gentleness at its worst is becoming a push-over type of person: allowing others to do whatever they want to you because they know you won’t do anything.
It is possible to be both gentle and brave, it is just a matter of when to be gentle with people, and when to stand up for yourself and not allow others to take advantage of you. This is a tough line for me to learn about, but prayer will help you to discern when to be gentle and give grace, and when to be bold and stand up for yourself.
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