Every time the topic of self-control comes up, people always say “oh, I have such bad self-control” or “I could never do that”. Admittedly, I have never heard anyone feel confident in their self-control abilities, and even though I am working on it, I know that my self-control really isn’t great.
Self-control is defined as “the ability to control oneself, in particular one's emotions and desires or the expression of them in one's behavior, especially in difficult situations.” When we say that we need to control ourselves, we really mean that we need to control our physical wants, desires, and emotions so that we can refrain from sin. Self-control is how we hold back what our body and heart wants, and to focus instead on what God desires for our lives.
This is the battle that goes on in our spirit every day: listen to the temptations in your mind, or to practice self-control and resist them. Not only does this change our actions dramatically, but it plays such an important role in our everyday testimony, something I have been particularly convicted about lately. For those of you who grew up in church, you have been taught for years upon years what you should do, and what glorifies God. When you are presented by temptation, nine times out of ten, you know what you should do because of all the Scripture you have been taught in your lifetime. Even though we know exactly what we should do, it does not mean that we automatically do the right thing. No matter how much of God’s Word you have read, it takes a lot of self-control and restraint to do what is righteous, especially when the temptation seems “fun” and “cool” a lot of the time. Otherwise, we end up ruining our everyday testimony and are bearing bad fruit. “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls” (Proverbs 25:28).
In this verse, a picture is painted of a city, which is left defenseless and open. My first reaction was to think that without defenses, this city is unable to protect itself from outside dangers any more. However, this city’s lack of security doesn’t mean that it will be bombarded from the outside. It instead means that now there is nothing holding it back from wreaking havoc on other cities. In the same way, lacking self-control means that we don’t know how to hold back from giving into temptations, saying hurtful things, and committing sinful actions. This lack of power over your own emotions, thoughts, and deeds is what ends up hurting a lot of people.
Some ways that a lack of self-control becomes evident are when we do things without thinking: gossiping, yelling, losing our temper, or causing physical harm. Thankfully, the Bible says this in 2 Timothy; “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7). We are not condemned to be hurting others with our lack of discipline, and God says that we have a spirit of self-control. Now, will it be easy? Absolutely not! If it was easy, everybody would be doing it.
In his letter to the Corinthians, Paul says this: “Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified” (1 Corinthians 9:25-27). There is so much I could discuss concerning these verses, including my ongoing journey with health and fitness, because discipline is so important when it comes to taking proper care of your body; I’ll leave that for a whole other day.
The one thing that I do want to touch on in this verse is the purpose behind self-control. After all, Paul says that “I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air”. He shows that he understands that self-control should all be for a purpose. If you read the passage again, you will see how a lack of self-control can make you “unqualified”. By this, it does not mean that you are no longer guaranteed salvation, or that you can never have promises fulfilled by God to you. This means that you cannot be used by God to be a part of His plan. This makes sense, because if we do not fully obey what God commands us to do, we cannot be a part of His plan. Self control allows us to refrain from sin and to choose God, even when it is a difficult, and maybe even painful, decision.
Now, I want to cover the two biggest things that I am having a hard time practicing self-control with in my own life. All writers say to write what you know, and I hope that by writing about the things God has been convicting me of in my own life will help you, too.
Self-control from anger
In all honesty, the idea of anger has mystified me lately. I don’t quite understand how it is portrayed in the Bible, which makes it even harder for me to have control over it. The Bible tells us to be slow to anger (James 1:19, Proverbs 14:29), just as the Lord is (Numbers 14:18, Nahum 1:3). However, we see multiple instances in Scripture where Jesus himself was angry!
In Mark 10:14 and Mark 3:5, Jesus is described as being indignant, which means “feeling or showing anger or annoyance at what is perceived as unfair treatment”.
This was so confusing, in fact, that I spent two days in the last week studying anger in the Bible, and finding instances where Jesus is angry, as well as what all of Scripture has to say about anger. In my findings, I learned that anger in itself is not a sin, but it can definitely lead to sin. Anger, when acted upon immediately and without much thought or consideration, has a very high percentage of ending up in sinful behavior. Jesus acted on any anger he had after much time and consideration, and even then was careful with both his actions and his words so that he would not sin and disobey his Father.
The book of Ephesians has this to say on the matter; “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26-27). This passage, parallel to Psalm 4:4, describes anger beautifully. We are not told to never be angry, but we are cautioned on what anger can lead to when left unchecked and unaddressed. Letting anger stir in your heart instead of letting it go and praying to God over it gives Satan opportunities for us to lash out and hurt people, which can happen in a multitude of ways.
So, how do we practice self-control with anger? Don’t let it go unchecked. Anger in itself is not a sinful emotion to have, but if we don’t deal with it like Jesus did, then we can easily find ourselves harming other people and doing things that we will later regret.
Self-control from gossip
Lately, gossiping is something that I have struggled a lot with. I sometimes start gossiping and engage in it with a group of people, and even if I am not actively participating, I allow the people around me to put others down with their words and speak harmful things about others. These are bad examples of my life in showing self-control, because in these moments, my desire to share everything I’ve heard about others and what I see other people do becomes greater than my desire to honor God with my tongue and what comes out of it.
“And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things out not to be so” (James 3:6-10).
If we want to spend our life speaking truth about the Lord and Scripture, we cannot simultaneously be speaking hurtful things about other people, and therefore ruining our everyday testimony. When the temptations arise in your day to begin gossiping about other people, you must remember to have self-control and hold your tongue. What may seem to us at the moment as a harmless comment, it can catch the attention of non-believers and cause them to question whether God really is good. These non-believers will often turn away from any relationship they may have with the Lord because of how they have seen Christians act. We have an important task of reflecting Christ in all that we do, and having a lack of self-control is going to be a direct cause of us sinning day after day, and ruining our testimony. This week, be praying for God to give you self-control, and practice telling your temptations “no”, even when you deeply desire a “yes”.
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Well, after being in this series for many months, I am finally closing up this series! After a few breaks, and some extra blog posts, I am at the end of the fruits of the Spirit series. I have really enjoyed being here, and learning a lot more than I did before about spiritual fruit, but I admit that I am definitely ready to continue stand-alone blog posts, because God has taught me so much since I started this series in August. Let me know what you want to hear from Authentic Faith next!
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