Authentic Life Update: Finding My Way

As you guys probably know, doing my authentic life updates is probably my favorite thing that I get to do on the blog. While I have loved all of the series that I have done in the past, and always find joy in studying different topics, these are the most relational and honest posts that I get to share with you all. Not only does it serve as a personal journal of the different seasons of life, highlighting my milestones, spiritual growth, and honest struggles, but it fulfills what I always dreamed of this blog being. Authentic Faith was designed to create a space made for young women by a young woman to show what it truly looks like to follow Jesus. I want to be real with you all and show you my faith journey, even when it doesn’t seem perfect. Even in this last week, the only time that I opened up my Bible was at church on Sunday, and while I do hate that I let myself fall out of habit this week, I want to be authentic in sharing these things to show you that you are not alone. While we should all be striving to look more like Jesus, we still fall short of the standard of perfection. After all, that is why we are in such a desperate need for a Savior!

With all of that being said, I am super excited to share the story of the last few months of my life. As of a few weeks ago, I finished my freshman year of college, and even now, I am just so in awe of how good God has been in all that He has blessed me with. Looking back to last year, when I was graduating high school, I found myself banking on the hope that college would be better, yet there is no way that I could have predicted it being this beautiful. I’ve found friends that love me and push me to be like Christ, have received so many opportunities to love and impact others on campus, and have gained so much clarity on who it is that the Lord has created me to be.

Feeling lost

For those of you that have been reading the blog for a while, you’ll know that in my last authentic life update, I shared that I had switched my major to being undecided. It was a big change for me, as I became anxious about the fact that I didn’t feel any direction for my life concerning my career. I struggled to admit to myself that I didn’t have a plan, and began feeling lost on campus without knowing why I was there.

Because of this change that I was going through, I began questioning God and asking what my purpose in life was. Seeing the plan that I had for my own life dissolve was a humbling experience that showed me that I cannot control my future. The Lord has a plan that is bigger and better than anything we could ever imagine, and sometimes, the only way for Him to show us that plan is by breaking down the plans that we have made for ourselves.

So, I began looking for new majors, and searching every job career I could find in the hopes of finding my “dream job”. The more I looked, though, the more I realized that I didn’t think I had any specific talents that I could use as a career. No major seemed to stand out, no career looked “perfect”, and as my choices became smaller, my confusion simply grew. So many of my friends are talented researchers, others are passionate about teaching others, and some have felt a calling to ministry. I began to get discouraged as I watched my friends thrive, feeling like I was never going to have that same experience.

The most difficult part of it all was that while I had no idea what my career was going to look like, I have never been more certain of anything in my life than where God brought me to college. The journey to the university I am at was a wild one, but it was crystal clear that the Lord had been preparing me throughout my life to go here. So, even though I knew exactly how I got here, and knew that this is where God wanted me to be, I couldn’t understand why I was there. Because of that, I simply felt stuck. My mind immediately began to wander to worst-case scenarios, like wasting years in classes I didn’t like only to drop out in an epic example of what I considered to be failure. So, I spent the winter feeling lost, and wondering what it is that the Lord has created me for.

Finding purpose

Thankfully, though, we serve a God that is good and faithful to provide in His timing. After spending a few months feeling confused and discouraged, He gave me an opportunity to be mentored in an environment that focused on what the Lord has shaped each person individually for. By digging deep into my spiritual gifts, heart passions, abilities, personality, and experiences, I gained a clarity in my life about what I was made for.

One example of this was learning about my spiritual gifts. While I had never done a deep study into spiritual gifts prior to this, I always knew that I was passionate about my love language of words of affirmation. Words are important to me, and I have seen throughout my life how God has grown this love. From reading hundreds of pages of books a day in elementary school, to writing stories all throughout middle school, to writing for my blog in high school and writing cards for all my friends all the time, I have seen the long-term impact that words have had on me. So, it was no surprise when people in my life began affirming in me my spiritual gift of exhortation. Exhortation is very similar to encouragement, and it includes walking alongside people and supporting them, often with your words. Even though I always knew that I valued people directly telling me that I am important to them, I didn’t understand how important it was until I acknowledged it as my spiritual gift. The Lord has created in me an ability to write, as well as a desire to let every person I meet know that they are loved and valued not just by me, but more importantly by our Creator. Once I recognized my spiritual gift, and received confirmation in the form of people in my life affirming this gift, I learned how to tap into it more often, and how specifically I can use this to reflect Christ’s love to everyone I meet. I have become more intentional about sending texts to my friends to affirm and encourage them in a specific gift that God has given them, and have put more importance on the words that I write when I pen cards for my friends. In addition, I have become more aware of my words in everyday conversation, making sure that I am actively speaking truth and life to people. My words are important, and while that can be a beautiful thing, it can also hurt others if I am not careful.

Going through this process of learning how God has shaped me taught me a lot about myself, and the more that He revealed to me who I am, the more I found a clearer calling on my life. While your vocation and your calling are two separate things, many people find that their career can either fulfill a part of your calling or assist you in reaching that calling. So, after much prayer and consideration, I chose to major in business management and minor in communications, and this choice came with a rush of peace. Not only have I enjoyed these classes much more than my previous exercise science classes, but I have also gained a clear vision for how I am able to use this alongside my gifts, abilities, and passions to fulfill God’s plan for my life. A dream that I have been growing concerning my career is to work for a non-profit or  Christian organization that is actively growing the kingdom, and use my skills for organization, leadership, and communication to help these companies do what glorifies Him. Whether my work is directly talking to and encouraging people, or doing “mundane” business work that may not seem directly applicable, I want to use my gifts to make an impact in the way that God specifically made me for.

Obviously, this does not mean that I am guaranteed to stick with this, or that circumstances won’t ever change my life’s course. I know all too well that sometimes, God puts people or things in our lives for just a season, usually to teach us something before He takes us to what He has for us next. I have had to learn in life to accept that the only thing permanent in my life is God, and simply find blessing in anything or anyone that stays. While I do have confidence in this plan, I also know that whatever happens, and whatever career path the Lord takes me to, it will be an intimately and intricately curated plan made by the One that created me, knows me, and loves me more than I could ever understand, and that is enough.

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I hope this serves as an encouragement to those of you that are feeling lost and trying to figure out your purpose in any area of your life. Whether you are struggling to find a calling to a  career, wondering if you’ll ever get married and start a family, or don’t have an understanding of what your spiritual gifts are or how you can use them, you are not alone in this. This is a struggle that many people have, not something to be ashamed of. Not having plans for your life can be a beautiful thing, because you allow God to take those holes in your plans for the future to shape what He has planned for you. All that God asks of you in this season is to be faithful and trust, and He will be good to guide you as you walk in obedience.