Comparison

I’m sure that you have all heard the phrase “comparison is the thief of joy”. This is often seen as an over-repeated cliche, but this is something that I actually wish that was said more. Comparison plays such a huge role in our culture, and social media pushes this so much! Every single time I am on Instagram, I see accounts of people showing off their clothing haul, posting pictures of them with their friends, or putting cute aesthetic pictures on their story from the local coffee shop. Because of how connected social media makes us with each other’s lives, we are constantly seeing what other people are up to. In fact, a lot of what we see on other’s social media isn’t an accurate portrayal of their life as a whole: who is going to make Instagram posts talking about how they laid in bed all day scrolling? Even outside of social media, every interaction we have with someone else involves us comparing ourselves to them in some way. It could be what outfit they are wearing, what healthy food choices they made, or how they always seem to be with friends having a good time.

One place where I personally have struggled with this was in middle school and early high school, especially with athletics. In eighth grade, I made it onto my school’s volleyball team, and even though I knew that I wasn’t the most talented player on my team, I was really excited to play with the girls on my team. I wanted to learn how to become a better and more confident player, and wanted to do my best. However, that quickly became a game of comparing my skills to that of others. In my head, it didn’t matter that I’ve never played at this level like they had, or that I was actually progressing quite well to get to where I was. All that I could see was that I still wasn’t as good as the other girls, and that shattered me.

See, comparing yourself to other people is dangerous, because it turns focus away from seeing your own growth. Jealousy and seeing others are “better” than you is a dangerous attitude to have. ”A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.” (Proverbs 14:30). God made us how He wants us to be, but when we are so focused on others, we forget our own God-given talents, and we don’t see how much He has been refining us. That season, the Lord wanted me to be an encouragement, and be a light to the other girls on my team. Instead, I allowed my lack of experience to hold me back, thinking that I didn’t deserve that spot on the team.

The following year, during my freshman year of high school, I joined my school’s track and field team to run distance. I had only run a bit the previous summer, as it was a hobby I had picked up during COVID. I knew that the other girls on the team had been training for years, and I had only been running around my own neighborhood for a few years. Again, though, that didn’t stop me from comparing my own skills to that of the runners that had years of training and coaching. That season was filled with anxiety, because I always felt not good enough when I was the last one to finish a run during practice, or when I got lapped by my teammates during the two mile run (never doing THAT race again!). Again, I was put there to be an encouragement to my teammates, but comparing my journey to someone else robbed me of the joy that I found in running.

Although I have made a lot of progress in this area, and have learned that God has me on my own unique journey, I still struggle with this. My testimony has lots of roots in my struggles with loneliness, so when I see people that are always hanging out with their friends, or when I know that my friends are doing something with some of their friends while I’m in my dorm room, I still compare that part of my life with theirs. Let me tell you, that is a dangerous game to play. God gave us all our own talents and skills, and there are some parts in life that we struggle with. For example, I can see a girl and notice that she always seems to be surrounded by friends, while I go study on my own, comparing my loneliness with how loved she seems to be. However, she could see me at the same time, and feel bad that she always puts off her priorities in life to be with friends all day, which leads to struggling grades and sleepless nights. In addition, I could look at my friend in the cafeteria and compare my plate full of pasta to her balanced salad, feeling undisciplined and unhealthy, while that friend wishes that she could allow herself to eat something without feeling guilty for it.

We all have our own struggles, and just because someone’s battles aren’t obvious doesn’t mean that they don’t exist. Comparison is truly the thief of joy, because it takes our attention to what we think is wrong with ourselves, and stops us from glorifying our Creator that lovingly built us with our talents and passions.