Destroying the Body of Christ: Accountability

Already, we have reached the end of my series “Destroying the Body of Christ”. This has been a reflective topic that has really forced me to raise my awareness of what is happening in the modern American church. I always knew that there were these existing problems in the church community that were doing more harm than good, but this has caused me to face it head-on, and even take a look at where I fit into this. We all know that it is easy to find faults in others, especially when we are biased and want to find these faults in those we don’t particularly like, but we are much more apt to make excuses for our own actions and let them fall to the wayside. It has really encouraged me to look at how I treat the fellow believers around me, and examine whether or not I am acting as if they are a true brother or sister in Christ. It is easy to be welcoming and kind to those that have similar beliefs as you, run in the same social circles as you, or share outlooks on life, but the body of Christ as a whole is much bigger than that. In order for us to truly chase after unity for the entire body, it is important that we understand this broader scope of believers.

For me, this means putting my own relationships with people second to our identity in Christ. There are plenty of people in my life that I see on a weekly, or even daily, basis, but find it too awkward to have that first interaction that leads to getting to know them. Sometimes, this looks like the peer that you ended up sitting next to on the first day of class but never ended up talking, and now it feels too late to get to know them. Other times, it could be the person you walk past on the sidewalk every day on the way to class, but don’t say hi to because it could be weird. These may seem like mundane instances for me to bring to light, but as someone that goes to a Christian university, I can assume that those people pray to the same God that I do. We share a beautiful and intimate relationship with the Lord that has saved and redeemed us, yet somehow we don’t see that as enough of a commonality to break the awkwardness of the first interaction. If we refuse to see people as fellow believers above anything else, we fail to recognize how important it is to stand alongside those with the same mission as us.

With all that to say, our sinful nature, as well as our innate desires for comfort and complacency, is what has led the Christian church as a whole to become as broken as it is. While the body of Christ is not destroyed, it certainly is not as unified as it should be. This series has been the push that I needed to raise my own awareness, and to think about what I can do to create a community of people that put their own desires aside to spread the Gospel with each of their own gifts and talents.

The Scarcity of Accountability

One attribute of the early church that has been severely lacking in this generation is people’s ability to keep each other accountable. To be accountable for something is to assume responsibility for it, and to recognize that it is your job to either fit it or address it. While it is important for each of us to hold ourselves accountable for what we know is both right and wrong, Scripture makes it clear that it is just as important for us to be doing this for each other. One of the most commonly used verses pertaining to friendship, Proverbs 27:17, says that “iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” This verse actually represents the idea of accountability in a healthy friendship, with each person helping the other to chip away at the pieces of their selfish natures that have made them dull and complacent. This is more than just helpful reminders, but instead is the reality of difficult conversations and learning how to respond to feedback from those you trust.

The way that I like to think of accountability is like a group of friends all going to an escape room together. You all have the same goal, of making it out of the room on time, but within this journey you all have to take steps on your own, such as exploring different nooks and crannies to find the next piece of the puzzle. During this escape room, you might notice that one of your friends has become distracted, looking at unimportant details or checking the messages on their phone while the clock begins to run dangerously low. You know that their idle behavior is going to harm both the team and them as an individual, so you lovingly help redirect them to join the group or find the next clue. It might be embarrassing for that friend to be called out while they are stuck doomscrolling, but they ended up being a crucial piece to getting all of your friends out in time.

I love this metaphor, not just because it is easy for me to picture, but because we can all see ourselves in the shoes of both of these friends at one point or another. Sometimes, you are the friend that is on task and noticing other people veering off course, and other times, you are the one that becomes distracted and stuck, sometimes without even noticing. This situation can be stressful both ways, either because you have to call someone out to help them, or you have to be pulled out of your own comfortable patterns, which is what makes true accountability tough. It allows people to tell you what areas of your life you are falling short in, which is why it is so lacking in our generation. Because people don’t want to be told what they’re doing wrong, our pride prevents us from wanting to learn and grow in the understanding that we are not, and will never be, perfect.

And I can testify to this firsthand. This semester, my friend and I have become accountability partners to help us both become consistent in spending time with God every day. Each time we read in Scripture, we will text the other person what we read and what we learned from it. This has been super fruitful, because it encourages me to really process what I’ve read and why it matters, and because I get to see how the Lord is working in my friend’s heart. However, it has turned out to be such a humbling experience. I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve forgotten to text her after spending time in the Bible that morning, only remembering to text her once she does so first. In addition, there have been days where I go without even looking at my Bible, but receiving a text from her telling me what she read gives me a wake-up call. I am someone that absolutely hates being corrected or given any type of constructive criticism (I know, I’m working on it), so those days really test my own ego. And truly, I think all accountability works like this in some manner, simply because it always involves broken, sinful people.

Now, accountability can look like more than just this. The idea as a whole is really just  members of the body of Christ learning how to guide each other to walk in righteousness together, meaning that it comes in all sorts of shapes and sizes. However, it all boils down to the commandments that we see in the New Testament. In Colossians 3, Paul tells the members of the church in Colosse how to put off the old parts of them that died when they found new life in Christ. He tells the church as a whole how to put on the new man, and explicitly explains that this is not something that each person should do independently, but instead should be done with one another in community. One active command that he gives is in verse 16, where he instructs them to “let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” (Colossians 3:16). The word “admonish” in this context means to lovingly correct, outlining Paul’s desire for this church to help guide one another in this “new man” that he explains to them. However, as I reflect on the environment that I see in Christian circles around me, I can earnestly tell you that this is something that I rarely see.

Accountability in Love

You see, I’ve noticed that we too often let brothers and sisters in Christ live in sinful patterns instead of choosing accountability. This happens for a multitude of reasons, with pride, embarrassment, or complacency being a few. We fear what other people would say or how they would react, and our desire to stay comfortable stops us from saying the hard things that need to be said, especially when we see them acting in patterns that are dangerous to both themselves and others. However, if we have the same mission, why aren’t we helping each other do it well? Think back to the escape room scenario: would you allow that distracted friend to continue doing their own thing, even if it pulled other group members into that same distraction? Of course not! Even though it might be strange at first to let them know that they are off course, you all have the same ultimate goal. For you, a moment of discomfort is worth it to reunite the team to figure out how to solve the escape room. So why is accountability in the church any different? If anything, we should be even more willing to have those difficult conversations with brothers and sisters in Christ, no matter what end we are on.

Besides our pride, I think one reason why this isn’t seen often is because of the way these situations are handled. The key to keeping one another accountable is to do it in love, yet I often see love trampled by haughtiness and a “holier than thou” attitude. This turns accountability into confrontation, where members of the church find it to be their “God-given right to put people in their place”. This quickly turns into a contest of who can point out others’ faults the fastest, under the disguise of wanting to help them.

This immediately brings my mind to one of the most, if not the most famous, Bible passages about love. 1 Corinthians 13 is quoted in nearly every single Christian wedding, and for good reason! This passage demonstrates what love really is, and why it is an idea that Jesus stresses as much as he does.

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

This passage boils down to one idea, which is that no matter what you do, it means nothing if it is not done in love. Even if you follow every single commandment in the Bible, if there is no love in your heart, it amounts to nothing. In the same way, if we are telling people off to feel better about ourselves, or to find excuses to hold resentment, there is no accountability. All that we find instead is pride laying ruin to and separating a body of people with the same goal of obeying the Lord and expanding His kingdom.

Because of this, the way that we approach keeping those in our lives accountable is crucial. I am passionate about communication, and believe that the way we handle a situation is absolutely vital to its outcome. I know, I know, that seems like a no-brainer, but I have seen simple situations blown to bits because people refused to communicate what they were thinking, and simply assumed too many things instead of asking. When we choose not to communicate effectively to those in our lives about what we are doing, we give opportunity to overthinking, which simply heightens any emotion that a person is feeling in that moment. Whether it is confusion, anger, resentment, or hurt, I can guarantee that it only makes it worse when we are left to our own devices to figure out what just happened.

So, the way that we communicate to others about accountability and admonishing is crucial. Firstly, if the situation is not urgent, this is something that should be prayed about. Just because you see something wrong doesn’t mean you always need to be the one to handle it. In some situations, it is a wise choice to pray about whether this is a situation that God wants to help you handle, or if you should find someone in that person’s life that trusts them and can have that conversation in a more productive manner. However, we often find that those in our close circles are the ones that we are called to keep accountable.

If you want to do this for other people, I urge you to approach this conversation in humility, and not make the situation bigger than it needs to be. Sometimes, a simple side note in a conversation will do, and making it a whole ordeal will only end up villainizing the person and creating a mountain out of a molehill. In addition, watch your heart, and really check what is motivating you to do this. If you are seeking self-validation, or want to be right, you may have to take the log out of your own eye first. The difficulty with these situations is that accountability can often be viewed as confrontation, and this is where things get tricky. While it may have to come to that in extreme situations, view it as walking alongside someone daily, guiding each other through the little pieces in life. This helps you view it as you and your friend versus the problem, instead of you versus your friend.

In addition, if you have any sort of good influence in your life, chances are that they will help keep you accountable in the times of your life that you fall short. And trust me, you will fall short (I know, sorry to burst your bubble!). I am a perfectionist, and hate being told that I am doing anything less than spectacularly, so it is difficult anytime a person I love helps me in this way. So, when I encourage you to approach these conversations by laying your pride down, I am speaking just as much to myself. Even when it is as simple as my accountability partner texts me that she has read her Bible today, when I haven’t even given it a thought, it is tough to humble myself in that situation, remembering that she is not doing this to make me look bad, but instead to help me continue my personal relationship with God.

Once we stop viewing accountability as a big scary confrontation, and instead view it as the body of Christ loving each other enough to walk alongside each other, we begin to normalize the healthy command that the Lord has set in front of us. If we walk in humility instead of in pride, this can be a beautiful tool that we can use with all of our own unique gifts to help remove the stumbling blocks that exist in each of our lives, helping unite the body of Christ.