While trying to decide what to write for my very first official post (yay!) I quickly drew a blank. In my mind, there are a million different topics to cover, but at the same time, I felt like there was nothing I could possibly write about. I mean, where do you even start? Finally, I found a great topic that everybody can relate to: friends. It doesn’t matter if you are a teenager in high school, or retired and living alone, because everybody has friends. It’s how we thrive, and how we express our emotions. Doing things like going out to coffee with friends, or having a game night, connects us to the people we love and gives us an energy boost to keep on keeping on. That all sounds great, but how do we know when we’ve found a good friend? What does God say about being a friend, and how do we find the right people to surround ourselves with?
Fellowship is something that God created for us: it binds people together, and it gives us a way to study the Bible on a deeper level and praise the Lord with each other. In fact, the Bible says that “two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Oftentimes, it is our friends that help us out of our darkest times, and they can be a wonderful source of encouragement when you are struggling to find your way back to God. Without friends, where would we be? Probably nowhere good. But friends don’t just appear overnight. It takes a lot of time! You have to put yourself out there and reach out to other people, even though it seems pretty scary and awkward. Then, in order to nourish your relationship, you have to put a lot of time, effort, prayer, and love into it to keep your bond strong. What exactly does that look like, from both sides?
Qualities of a good friend
Before I spit out a big list of qualities, I want you to take a minute and create a little mental list of your own. Think about a few people in your life that are really awesome friends, even if you aren’t too close with them. What things make them such a good friend? Maybe your biology partner always takes notes for you when you are sick, or a teammate always helps you reach your physical goals for the week. It could even be something like a friend from church taking time to pray for you every morning when you are with them.
Do you see what these all have in common? Every single one of these acts have to do with selflessness. No matter what super cool things your friends do for you, the reason it means so much to you is because they sacrificed a part of themselves to be there for you and support you. In a letter from Paul to the Philippians, he says this: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). When Jesus was on this earth, he could have made everybody serve him and do everything for him; he is the Son of God! Instead, he came as a humble man to serve each and every one of us, like when he died on the cross to save us (whoop whoop!). His entire ministry consisted of helping people and healing them, and through this, countless people came to know him and become a part of the kingdom of God. Whenever you put others before yourself in true acts of humility and service, the people around you will notice and see your heart for God.
If you haven’t noticed yet, Jesus is the perfect example of what a good friend is. If you have him in your heart, you know that Jesus is always there for you. Regardless of how your day went, how much you’ve read your Bible that week, or how many times you’ve sinned, Jesus is always there, trying to guide you through life. He loves us through all of our mess ups and mistakes, and he cheers with the angels in heaven when you are bold in your faith and stand up for what you believe in.
How awesome is that? It is so comforting to know that there are people in your life that celebrate with you when something awesome happens to you. “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). After you aced a big test, made the sports team, or completed a really big goal of yours, good friends will always cheer you on and help you to continue to push yourself and become the best version of yourself. In fact, good friends will believe in you, even if you are going through a really rough period and haven’t seen any progress in a while…why? That is because those people have seen your potential, and they know that you are so much more than your bad days. They continue to push you and help you, even when you feel alone.
Another amazing thing about the people that love you is that, well, they love you! This can look like a lot of different things, and everybody’s unique ways of loving you is what makes them such a good friend in the first place. The hard part about it is always loving somebody. “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Psalm 17:17). We all know that it is easy to love somebody when they are really nice to you, or when they are having a good day. One thing that you will start to notice is that some people don’t love you all the time, only when it is convenient for them, and that is really hard. This is where unconditional love comes into play. The people that have unconditional love for you are the ones that you really need to stick close to, because they don’t love you for what kind of condition you are currently in. They don’t love you for their own personal gain, they love you because they know that you need loving, and that they can be a rock for you. Again, Jesus is the perfect example for this: he loves us every day, no matter how much we sin! Can you imagine what kind of unconditional love that Jesus must have for us to love us every single day, even though we continually do things against him, oftentimes knowing that it is not right and doing it anyways? If everybody had the kind of love that Jesus had, this world would be overflowing with his Spirit!
How to treat people
Now, everything that you just read when it comes to how good friends treat you can easily be switched around to demonstrate how you should be a good friend and treat others. The best way to find good friends is to be a good friend, and even though it might sound complicated, it really isn’t. The more that you discover how good friends treat you, the better you can treat those around you. “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7:12). This is known as the Golden Rule, and is a pretty good standard for every interaction you have with other people. This is a pretty commonly known verse, and that is because it is so wise! A lot of the time, what you give to people is what you get back, especially in a healthy relationship of any kind. You will notice that the good friends in your life can acknowledge all that you do for them, and be intentional about reciprocating it back to you.
Unfortunately, a lot of people will take for granted all that you do to love them and put them first. This is really hard (I know that firsthand), but that is where unconditional love becomes something you can work towards. Even if someone that considers you a good friend constantly neglects all your hard work towards taking care of them, it doesn’t give you a free pass to give up on them! Imagine how horrible it would be if a friend just gave up on you like that! On the flip side, imagine if, years down the road, a friend looks at you and says, “I haven’t cared about our friendship for so long, yet you still encourage me and find ways to help me succeed. Why haven’t you given up on me?” That is such an amazing opportunity for you to share about the unconditional love of Jesus Christ and plant a seed in their life.
What this means for you today
I have no idea what your friend situation is like: you might have the best friend group you’ve ever had, and are feeling super inspired, or maybe you think that none of your friends are actually ever there for you. Maybe you’re in the middle, but still searching for something deeper, and long for relationships where you can be open and vulnerable about your walk with God. I’ve been at all three of these points in my life, and all of them come with their own challenges.
If you find yourself in the midst of an amazing and Godly group of friends, I am so happy for you! I pray that you never forget the blessings that God has given you, and that you show his unconditional love to your close friends. However, I also challenge you to open up your circle at least a little bit more, and find new people to spread your love to.
If you are feeling really, really lonely, and find it hard to believe that there are people out there that are willing to be your true friend, I’m sorry. This is something really hard to go through, and it makes it easy for you to doubt your own personality and abilities. I promise you, you are so much more than how many friends you have. A lot of people take for granted the people in their lives, and it makes others feel neglected and hurt by it. I pray that you have the courage to reach out to new people, and that God will give you a wonderful group of people that make you feel comfortable to be yourself and find out who he wants you to be.
Lastly, if you find yourself somewhere in the middle, and are really longing for a person that understands what it means to truly follow the Lord, there are plenty of other people like you! I’m so proud of your commitment to God, and it is going to take you to wonderful places. While you are opening your heart up to new people, I pray that you continue to seek the Lord and find those great friends by being a Christlike example yourselves.
No matter what your situation is, Jesus is by far the greatest friend you could ever have. Don’t neglect his unconditional love for you, and take time (yes, right now) to pray to him and thank him for being such a wonderful friend, and spend some time in your Bible today to get to know him better, just like you would with any other friend.
Jesus is waiting.
P.S. - If you want to learn more, listen to Jeanine Amapola’s amazing podcast, Happy and Healthy Podcast! https://open.spotify.com/episode/59s4PBKrWrsg6BagjNVowM
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